2024-04-01
(Presumably) AI-generated ramblings involving perverse and impossible acts involving human genitals, and a mock-serious response from the admin of a performing company.
On April Fool's Day, our troupe received this completely outlandish and offensive inquiry via our website's contact form. Despite no one stepping forward to claim credit, we are working under the assumption that it was generated using some artificial intelligence and sent our way as a practical joke.
Like any orangutan pretending to be human, I am an avid appreciator of lewd comedy. Still, I feel this vulgar screed missed the mark on enough levels that I should employ my skills as an educator and critique the comedic effort.
As such, points will be deducted for the following reasons:
The originating email address ostensibly belonged to a well-known classical musician, whom I suspect is not in on the joke. Comedy should create audiences, not innocent bystanders.
Please note that if it turns out I'm wrong and a filthy violinist has sent a troupe of clowns a salvo of phallic free-verse, I will pause my being stunned only long enough to applaud and request that we become better friends immediately. You're a weirdo, and you may well be our kind of weirdo.
Returning to grading your homework, I think another problem I'm seeing is specificity. Aside from the missive vaguely involving (highly questionable) circus and variety acts, it had very little to do with us as a company or individuals. If you're going to go to all the trouble of sending purple prose to clowns, why not go the extra mile and personalize the filth? Perhaps my standards for spam are too high, but I think you could have made your sophomoric ramblings a bit more focused on their target.
Finally, there's the issue of missed opportunity. You chose to send this smut to people educated in the history and lore of comedy without a single homage to The Aristocrats.
Mesdames et Messieurs, I put myself forth as potential talent in a sideshow, revue or performance production under your management. God gives each a large burden to bear, in my case God put mine between my legs. I have tried to see this as a gift, not a curse. Thusly, I arrived at the decision this spring to put my priapus on display for the public's amazement. Clearly this is an adult-only attraction, which may limit where I can display my talent. Speaking of talent, I do not wish you think I merely stand there and let my PENIS speak for itself. Like any of God's blessings, it is still our charge to put dint of effort into best developing the skills to make the most of the gift. As such I am skilled in various tricks performed with my ENDOWMENT FUND. To wit, I can: - fashion a makeshift lasso in under 25 seconds, and snare small objects and mammals, drawing them back in to my crotch - make it hover like a snake before a snake charmer's pungi (learrnt in Bangalore directly from the great Hanji Rabinabinovedunadrath) - invert my body, using it as a handstand platform - speak extemporaneously to the crowd on topics they shout out, without no actual involvement of HIM (this is the intellectual portion of my program) I'd be a boon to your gate receipts, particularly in Maryland and the panhandle. I base this on gasps of amazement/horror-turned-admiration I have elicited on nude beaches at those destinations. Please reply post-haste as I have made inquiries with several top operatiors of carnival fare and expect my act (which I call *THE STAFF OF RA*, along with pharaohic headress) to be under contract by end of week and touring by the time the rains come. Yours (potentially), BIG C